I haven't been around much lately. I've been lurking the board every now and then but haven't had much courage stamina to talk. A couple of days ago a crisis situation arose with an immediate family member. When I say crisis, I mean CRISIS. And out of this horrible situation came a revelation of something that he (this family member)endured as a little boy at age eight. I certainly can not go into detail, but beleive me when I tell you that this whole senerio is the worst imaginable thing. On top of all this, one of my former patients who I took care of for 19 years passed away suddenly Sunday. I am beside myself! I feel grief, anger, rage,hate, lonliness, confusion.... The proper and all imaginable steps to get help for this person are being taken. But I still feel helpless againt all this. I am grief sticken for this person. I have a strong/close knit family, (four brothers, two sisters, and father), but since my Mom passed away in 1993, I being the eldest daughter, have been looked upon as sort of the "mother figure" for the rest. I have always been a "strong" person and usually able to stand up againt just about anything, but this one has brought me to my knees. Yesterday I called a crisis hotline and cried my eyes out to a woman on the other end for over an hour. I have joined a couple of on-line groups and I am speaking with other people in similar situations. I need to re-gain some stregnth so I can better help the situation. I know this community here at WC is a "virtual community" without the tangible and physical aspects, but I also know that there are a lot of very caring people here. And I thought maybe I could "pour my heart out" to some of you. Please don't feel like you have to respond to this (unless you truley want to), Im just venting. P.s If admins feel that this post has no place on this board, then just delete it.